“Temperance, like Chastity, is its own punishment”
Cypher Winery - http://www.cypherwinery.com/
By Jack Turley, Chinese Banquet Survivor
There are many spoken phrases that send shivers through my spine. Perhaps the most frightening of all, uttered night after night during past business trips to China was “As our honored guest, we have a special surprise for you. Tonight we are having a traditional Chinese banquet!”
Oh please God no.
Author Jack Turley holding the honorific Chicken Head
I long ago fell in love with China, and it is still my favorite place in the world. The people are amazing, the culture beyond compare, and the cities and countryside are mesmerizing. The hospitality that a speaker from the West receives is remarkable.
The food can be…uh…interesting.
I’m not one to talk trash about the textural subtleties of Duck Tongue, or think disparagingly about Chicken Claws (or even the more rare Chicken Beaks). You won’t even see me cringe when given the traditional honored guest serving of Fish Eyeballs. Unusual food aside, it is an incredible place, and I recommend that you put it at the top of your bucket list.
I spent most of my time in Beijing, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Shenzhen, and Guangzhou. There were regional differences in the food, both subtle and extreme, but the one thing that unifies the palates of this geographically huge and diverse country is their wine.
It is awful. I mean really awful.
All Chinese banquets have many things in common. For instance, the tables are big (the smallest ones seat 12), round, and have a lazy Susan in the middle. Upon those lazy Susans will be placed tons of food, and they will keep bringing more no matter what you say. If you are foolish enough to clean your plate, (which insults your hosts by showing they did not provide enough food for his guests), people will take food off their plate and put it on yours.
Another commonality to Chinese banquets is that there will be toasts. Lots of toasts. And Chinese custom is not to say a quick sentence, tip your glass to the crowd, and have a sip of your drink. Oh no. Chinese toasts are only complete when your glass is empty, and as the guest of honor, there is no doubt that your glass will be kept full at all times.
The meal will not be considered a success unless each person at the table has made a toast (NOTE: always try and sit at the smallest table). Twelve people at your table means at least twelve toasts. If you’re lucky, you will be at a very upscale restaurant with Australian, Chilean, or Argentinian wine. On very rare occasions, you will be served French or American wine. But most likely, you will be served something from China’s burgeoning wine industry.
Chinese wine is not all that bad. It has a proven history as an industrial solvent, a bathroom disinfectant, and a valve lubricant. That the rich, fertile wine regions of China receive their grape-enhancing sunlight through thick, smelly smog-filtered skies can only be seen as a positive.
Hey, they’re trying. They’re really trying. And given the resources being applied, it’s only a matter of time before it approaches international quality standards.
But for now, while being served a bottle of “Xanxchao Vineyards ’08 Reddish Grape”, you may wonder if your host is indeed trying to kill you. Do not worry. It is simply not so, no matter how much the wine’s afterburn makes you suspicious.
And if you follow my advice, based on my hard-earned experience, there is a way out of this. My many trips (and several stomach pumpings) have taught me that your secret weapon is in anticipating the toast. The best way to do this is to always keep your eyes moving to see if someone is looking at you, about to raise a glass. If you can see it coming, you have three plays available to you:
- Go for your cell phone – right as you see your host go for his glass of grape sludge, pick up your cell phone, look at it, raise your finger toward your host in that silent “so sorry, I have to take this” gesture, and walk away from the table. With a bit of practice, you’ll be able to time your “call” to last for as many as three more toasts.
- Prepare a dash to the bathroom – as in the example above, anticipate and stand, saying in the only really important Chinese word you bothered to memorize, “cèsuǒ” (toilet). You should be able to stay away from the table for at least six toasts, seven if you come back with your hand over your stomach and a pained expression on your face.
- Play the jetlag card – halfway through dinner, confide in your host that the jetlag is overpowering you, and it would bring honor to your family and glory to your company if you could be excused from the festivities early. Do this even if it is your third week in China.
Someday China will emerge as one of the great wine making countries. We’ll all be dead by then, but your grandchildren (or perhaps their grandchildren) will in the future enjoy wonderful wine, expertly crafted, and at a cost of only 12 cents a glass. Until then, cover for me…I think they are about to do another toast.
Jack Turley: Experienced Chinese Banquet Survivor
No, it doesn’t stand for “Good Stuff Maynard“, but it should! That phrase, from a Malt-O-Meal commercial in the early 80′s, became part of the popular lexicon for anything that tasted really good. Many swapped the word ‘stuff’ for a more common 4-letter term, but the sentiment remained the same.
But in the world of wine, the acronym “GSM” is a short-hand reference for a red wine blended from Grenache, Syrah, and Mourvedre. Usually, such wines are from the Rhône valley in the South of France, where blended wines are the norm. These GSM wines are known for their bright fruit, extroverted aromas of ripe fruit, dried sage and herbs, and a grippy, pepper-and-herb finish that echoes the wines’ aroma.
Sadly, most (but not all) of our domestic Rhône-style wines have been produced with a dominant (75%+) variety – usually Grenache or Syrah – because we American wine drinkers are just now beginning to shed our age-old prejudice against blended wines. Blends have long been thought to be inferior wines.
Nothing could be further from the truth, of course (Grand Cru Bordeaux, anyone?) but this domestic prejudice grew from a very old and sound reason – post Repeal, blended wines really WERE horrid concoctions. They often contained the fermented juice of fruits other than grape. Not to mention colorants/flavorants best left out of such an august discourse on fine wine.
Thankfully, we’ve come a long way, Maynard. So go enjoy a GSM. And if you don’t have one on hand, just ask a trusted merchant in your local fine wine shop. Or visit the Red Rhône wine aisle in my online wineshop here.
Cheers,
Dave “the Wine Merchant” Chambers
The bane of the amateur gardener is that everything gets ripe all at once. And eating tons of the same produce, meal after meal, day after day, week after week… one’s tastebuds quickly tire. So freezing, drying, canning, gifting and other forms of creative storage become highly valued.
And if a bunch of apple trees happen to grow on your property, you eventually ask for a cider press when your handy-man Father in-law asks for Christmas ideas. You can see what he came up with in the photo here – looks as if it should be launched! It’s just a happy coincidence that his name is Johnny, one long associated with apples and their seeds.
The first cider from our late-ripening tree was so delicious, I’ve spent some enjoyable hours conjuring up or searching for recipes that feature cider. Like this one, which I came across in Wine Spectator, for a Cider-Poached salmon. It’s been adapted slightly from its original version (as seen in “Maine Classics: More Than 150 Recipes From Down East,” by Mark Gaier and Clark Frasier. Running Press) to make it a bit more Pinot friendly. But it already had a good start, and the bonus of featuring Morgan’s 2009 12-Clones Pinot Noir ($32), a wine I’d recently featured in one of our wine club shipments.
INGREDIENTS
1 gallon apple cider
2 tsp each fresh rosemary and thyme (with extra for garnish)
¼ cup (plus 1/4 tsp) brown sugar or 3 Tbsp Maple Syrup
2 Tbsp fennel seed
1 Tbsp kosher salt
1 Tbsp freshly ground pepper
6 Salmon fillets, 4-6 oz. each
1/4 lb. (1 stick) unsalted butter
1 – 2 Generous pinches Cinnamon and Cumin
4-6 Tart cooking apples, peeled, cored and sliced
PROCEDURE
1. Heat cider in a fish poacher or (if you haven’t stocked up on Williams Sonoma’s entire storew-wide inventory yet!) a broad-based, saucepan, until liquid is reduced by half its height.
2. Add the rosemary, thyme, brown sugar (or syrup), fennel seed, salt and pepper. Bring to a
full boil and then reduce to just below a simmer – you want steam but no bubbles.
3. Gently place the salmon in the liquid and cook for 6 minutes. Test for doneness (I suggest an instant-read thermometer, but you can pull one out and take a peek at its center.
4. Meanwhile, heat the butter in a sauté pan until melted but not smoking. Add apples and sauté until golden, about 2 minutes. Add the aromatic spices (Cinnamon and Cumin) and the additional 1/4 teaspoon of brown sugar (not too sweet or it will fight with the wine!)
5. Using a slotted spatula, remove the salmon directly from the poaching liquid to individual serving plates, and garnish with the poached apples and a sprinkling of the fresh chopped herbs.
Serve with steamed broccolini or asparagus and good rolls warmed in the oven.
Wine Pairings – You can’t go wrong with any of the lighter style Pinots from cooler growing regions (Sonoma Coast, Monterey, Anderson Valley, New Zealand, Germany…) – you’ll find many options in our virtual Pinot Aisle – as well as a nice Pinot Gris or even a richer, off-dry Rosé.
Sriracha (Se Racha). I’m amazed at how quickly the American palate has adopted this spicy-sweet condiment from Thailand. It is named after the coastal city of Si Racha, where it was first produced to accompany the many seafood dishes such a town is generally known for. Its use has grown, and it is now a popular addition to any dish that can use a bit of a kick, which in my book, is just about anything that comes after the breakfast cereal.
It’s a simple paste, with just five ingredients – ground chili peppers, vinegar, garlic, sugar and salt. We found a recipe on line and had it jarred and labeled within several hours, but you can find it for a few bucks in most good grocery stores.
Here, we use it to form a simple compound butter that is used to flavor this simple fish dish. Hey, let’s make it even easier and skip making a compound butter, which has to sit overnight, and just add the sauce to the melting butter in the… but I get ahead of myself. Just read the recipe. It’s easy as pie. Easier even. A lot easier.
Ingredients
2 Tbsp butter at room temperature
2 Tbsp Sriracha
3 cloves garlic, chopped
4 – 6 good-sized shrimp per person, peeled (the shrimp, not the persons) with tail left on.
1 Tbsp lemon zest
2 Tbsp fresh mint, roughly chopped
2 Tbsp fresh basil, roughly chopped
Preparation
Using a fork, combine butter and Sriracha in a small bowl until well mixed. Heat a saute pan over medium heat for 2 – 3 minutes, add a little of the butter (to test) – if it smokes, remove the pan from the heat and let it cool for about 20-30 seconds before adding the butter. When well melted, return to heat and add the chopped garlic, cooking just until fragrant, then add the shrimp – don’t crowd the pan, be sure each little bug is in full contact with the pan.
Just before the shrimp turn fully pink, add the lemon zest, mint and basil. Toss to coat. When shrimp are done and herbs have wilted, serve immediately. We like this with good side dishes of Jasmine Rice or Quinoa cooked in chicken or veggie broth and a salad dressed with rice wine vinegar, honey and sesame oil.
My Recommended Wine Pairing
The heat in this dish requires something with some sweetness and lower acidity. Relax, relax, I’m not talking about disgusting cheap stuff that’s going to shred your cred with your date, friends, spouse or family. It’s all about balance here, and with your tongue dancing with spice, you’ll be begging for a wine with these characteristics. Look for a German Riesling (preferably Spätlese or Auslese) or a muscat/Moscato. An off-dry Rosé would also be nice, but avoid the dry ones, I think they will clash quite badly with this dish. To pull the dish more towards a drier wine, amp the garlic and turn down the Sriracha.
Cheers!
Dave “the Wine Merchant”
Adapted from Bon Apetit, though altered to make the dish far more wine compatible. See their original recipe here.
Recently, there’s been a trend in the questions I’ve received about our recycling choices:
Q: Why don’t you ship my precious wine in Styrofoam? Doesn’t it offer better protection?
A: We’ve chosen not to ship in Styrofoam for a number of reasons – it is more expensive, it is rarely recycled (and decomposes very slowly) and it takes up a comparatively large amount of space in landfills.
While Styrofoam offers some incremental protection against breakage, our breakage rate is so low (far less than 1%) that this benefit doesn’t offset the other arguments against the use of Styrofoam to ship your wine. For all these reasons, I’ve chosen to use the space-saving, recyclable, and very affordable “egg carton” shippers that effectively cradle your wine. In the trade, these are known as “molded pulp” shippers (right, shown without top layer).
Q: But what about extreme temperatures? Styrofoam is a great insulator, no?
A: While researching this issue with our shipper some years ago, they showed me a study (which I could not find online or I’d link to it here), where a Styrofoam-packed bottle of wine was compared to an identical, unpacked bottle. After both were subjected to 100 degree heat, the Styrofoam packaging slowed the rate of heat exchange for many minutes, but not enough to ensure its safe arrival inside a sauna-like delivery truck, which can take hours.
For this reason, we simply choose not to ship during periods of extreme temperatures. This decision affects our shipments for about six weeks in the dead of winter, and about 8 weeks during the heat of summer – though we’ve had several years in a row now where the summer temperatures have extended well beyond this period.
This decision surely results in some lost sales, but most of our loyal buyers drink our selections over time, and don’t necessarily need their wine right away. This allows us to use the more affordable, and much more recyclable, packaging alternative.
The alternative would be to offer a thermal shipping package, which controls the temperature of your wine during shipment for up to 48 hours. This costs an incremental $15 just for the shipper, plus the up-charge to overnight shipping, which runs more than double the normal shipping rate. Please let me know if this sounds worthwhile to you!
Q: I like to recycle and hate to throw out a perfectly good wine shipper. Can I return them to you for re-use?
A: I like the idea of re-using materials, but I still have to give you a “definite maybe”. If you can hand them to me, or leave them at the shop, then great – shipping them back to me just doesn’t make sense, economically or environmentally. Plus, any inserts must be untorn, and outer boxes clean enough so that YOU would want to see your wine arrive in it. That said, I encourage any local customers to do so, if possible.
Thanks for your questions. Please keep them coming!
Dave “The Wine Merchant” Chambers
WWW.DaveTheWineMerchant.com
“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”
That famous line, from one of our family’s favorite holiday movies, haunted the protagonist “Ralphie” every time he brought up the topic of his Christmas Dream – a Red Ryder BB Gun.
Well, I’d be willing to bet that far more eyes have been lost to this most innocent-seeming device – one not even placed in the hands of inexperienced children with a under-developed sense of judgment. No, I’m talking about… well, you’ll just have to watch the video.
Cheers!
Dave “the Wine Merchant”
Three of the brave volunteers identifying wine characteristics from a black glass. With no visual cues, even telling white from red is tough!
Though I enjoy the task of selecting wines for our wine club members and online customers, it’s always nice to get their direct feedback. So on Tuesday night of this past week I hosted 20 of them to participate in this year’s tasting panel. They dutifully sniffed and sipped more than 30 wines – wines that are likely candidates for next year’s wine club selections.
The experience was great fun for everyone and very useful for me. Each tasting panel participant was invited to post their real-time comments to Twitter as a convenient and public way to track their opinions. See the complete results by searching on @sidewayswines #DTWM next time you’re in Twitter.
Or just read through the highlights I’ve posted below, beginning with the hands-down favorites I call the “No Brainers”, followed by other wines with sufficient ratings to have earned their way into our rotating portfolio before being parsed into their relevant wine club shipment based on price and varietal.
No Brainers!
- Drew Family, 2009 Pinot Noir, “Fog Eater” $44. The top vote-getter of the night.
- Mary Elke, 2009 Pinot Noir “Boonville Barter”, $17. ”Tremendous value”
- Violet-Green, 2006 Bordeaux Blend “Ultra-Violet”, Alder Springs Vyrd. $26 (now a December selection for the “Collectible Selections” members – join here)
- Phillips Hill, 2009 Pinot Noir, Wiley Vineyard. $39
Secondary Selections- Scarpetta, 2010 Pinot Grigio, $19. ”Perfect for a ‘Deck Vacation” on a hot summer evening”
- Kynsi, 2007 Syrah, Edna Valley, $28.
- Obsidian Ridge, 2008 Cabernet Sauvignon, Red Hills, $31.
- Violet-Green, 2006 Cabernet Franc, Alder Springs Vyrd. $29.
- Kynsi, 2008 Pinot Noir, Edna Valley, $32.
- B. Kosuge, 2009 Pinot Noir, Manchester Ridge Vyrd, $44
- Lacuna, 2010 Syrah/Petite Sirah, $28 (A December selection for the “Red-Only Collectible Selections” members – join here). ”Needs time, but a serious wine”
- 3rd Ave, 2009 Zinfandel Mendocino, $15. ”Great Value!”
There were a number of other “Fence Sitters” that may be called into duty, as they tended to be divisive wines with no consensus that drove intense opinions on both sides – exactly the type of interesting wines I like to throw into the mix!
I thank all participants in this most successful event – both the tasting panel and those who submitted their wines for consideration. So, until next year…
Cheers!Dave “the Wine Merchant” Chambers
Re-live it as often as you like. It is free and it never wears out. It’s the memory we’re making today, right now.
~ Unknown
“Never get jealous when you see your Ex with someone else. Just remember, your parents always taught you to share your toys with the less fortunate!”
~ Unknown
